Tighten up in 2012

Tighten up, tighten up, tighten up, is replacing aum, aum, aum, as my new mantra for 2012. I’ve been thinking about my resolutions for this year, and realize my items are more categorical in nature. Here’s where I’m at with my category tightening:(btw, many of these are already well into action)

1.     Tighten the Budget: So yeah, I am using coupons, and proud of it. Anyways, as far as the tightening process goes, Step 1: to analyze where we excessively blow dough Step 2: stop with the stupid spending in those areas.

2.     Tighten dat ass: and all my other body parts. Two days a week lifting, 2-3 days cardio (stationary, treadmill, walking), one to two yoga classes. On it! Not easy getting ‘back’ into shape.

3.      Tighten up my poker game: I don’t mean go back to being a super nitty tight player. However, improving my tight, aggressive game is what I’m talking about. I also need to work on my player –by- player strategy more when I sit down at the table. And hey variance, thanks for the tough love character building in 2011, but please show me some sweet, sweet love in 2012. Thanks in advance.

4.     Tighten up my daily habits: I’m gonna get up, and I’m gonna do them. Meditate, sun salutation (yoga in case you’re wondering), core, neti pot, vitamins. Set the stage for an amazing day and the happier me. Everyone benefits.

5.     Tight spaces require tighter organizing. This also appeases my OCD tendencies. I love to clear clutter. We have a small downtown apartment with two big people and two amazing (usually) cats. It is constant work to keep organized and tidy.  We also have 3 storage units here in our building that are calling my name to come and get rid of stuff and organize. Big project. Requires assistance from my man.

6.     Tighten up Diet: I’m working on eliminating meat from our diet 100% for all the reasons people become vegetarian. I love animals.  I want to be healthy. I love our earth. I hate big slaughterhouses that abuse animals and ruin our environment at the same time (watch Food Inc you’ll be with me, oh and 9 BILLION animals are slaughtered in the US each year…how gross, and think about that stress on the environment). As a result, I am testing out cooking some regular, rotating menu options that are healthy, tasty, and vegetarian. I have also been figuring out price per serving too, which is taking the diet/ budget/ health thing a bit overboard into crazy town, but I’m having fun with it.

This blog post is like a personal contract to myself now as well as to the wwworld since I’ve posted it. So who do these ‘tight’ categories essentially serve? Well the short answer is myself, and my boyfriend.  Seems selfish right? Not really. The bigger picture answer is an overall improved ‘me’ which will allow me to be a better contributing person overall. This is stated best here by one of my favorite yogi’s:

“…we live in a toxic world, so one of the main goals of yoga is purification. Establishing and developing boundaries of all sorts is one of the first tasks – physical, psychological, and spiritual boundaries. Cultivating good/ pure things within yourself while keeping the toxic out, or at least at bay, is the main practice. Basically maintaining the pure/impure boundaries between you, your space and the world. Then, as you evolve a little, you try to become a filter, taking the bad/impure in and transforming it into good/pure. Thus making your own space ever expanding, and creating more purity rather than just maintaining boundaries.”

He continues with “It all sounds good of course, but it’s a bitch to go through and consistently practice. We homo sapiens think too much, bitch and moan, rather than just doing. We waste so much energy on thinking about what we should do, or about what is bad rather than acting on our Good intentions.”

This has been a similar theme in my blogs before and I’ve had some great comments back from several of you about your own personal struggles trying to be your best you. I apologize for any repeats. I am repeating a bit however because I want to take this opportunity early into the new year to clearly set my intentions for 2012: to tighten my personal ‘categories’ by practicing ‘yoga’ everyday. Bet some of you didn’t realize that you already practice yoga without ever even setting foot onto a yoga mat.

And yes, I also realize that tightening my poker game is a stretch in my self -improvement efforts…but I think there’s an argument there.

Namaste to everyone! Looking forward to a tight 2012! Much love, Pdub.

I'm so vain

I broke down and went to the Gap yesterday to buy a couple of new pairs of jeans. I had to go up a size because I have put on some weight. It has been terribly depressing as I was hoping to fit back into my $500 Dolce & Gabbana floral pocket jeans again, as well as my $200 Rock & Republic dark wash wide leg jeans. Apparently I am materialistic too. Actually they are just really cool jeans. But yeah, excessively pricey. Anyhow that's not the point of this, but maybe there is some tie into what I am trying to say here in this post.

I have always had one size of jeans basically from high school up until 2009. Now I have 4 'sets' of jeans in various sizes.

I have my super skinny jeans that I had to buy in early 2010 when I lost 25 pounds when I first got sick with my nerve demylenating disease. Then I went back to normal weight after I could eat, but I lost a lot of muscle mass but put weight back on. Then I just kept eating and put on really unhealthy weight and now I have 2 more sets of jean sizes. Unreal.

However, there are a couple of things I have learned along the way from this jean sizing swing over the past 3 years:

I was basically hungry for 22 years being all slim. It kind of sucked. I was really missing out on the pleasures of food. I was eating for sustenance, I was certainly healthy and eating just enough, and working out all the time, but man was I missing out on some good things in life. Like dessert. After I got sick (and met my foodie boyfriend), I was exposed to some wonderful food, and I have enjoyed them (the food and my boyfriend)! But I hate myself at the same time for putting on the weight. Then I get mad and in self pity mode for getting this weird rare disease and not being able to workout like I have in the past.

On a plus side (literally) I kind of like having some curves. I'd just rather be fit and curvy, not soft and curvy. I don't think I ever want to be boobs on a stick ever again. And quite honestly, have you seen Madonna and Demi Moore up close? My photographer friend Ben said women as they get older look so much better with a little meat on their bones. Our skin elasticity deteriorates, we lose good collagen and we would end up looking all skeletor and skin kind of hanging. Pass, I think I'd prefer a more plump radiant look then.

I have also learned that I have enjoyed the swing from my past uber skinny fit me to the soft enjoy life me. However, to a certain degree I have been hiding behind the excuse of my disease to not be quite so active. True confession. There's somewhere in the middle I need to be now.

And doctors orders. My awesome neurologist and equally awesome primary both told me 150 minutes a week of some exercise is the minimum we need to stay healthy and that I need to be doing it (they also told me 90% of Americans do NOT).

I can tell you it is amazing, in just 3 years after a lifetime of being an athlete and working out my whole life how quickly it all unravels. I have ligament damage from being bed-ridden for 6 months and then in-active during the past 2 years recovery, as well as problems with joint pain, and other issues, and of course weight gain.

So...my recent trip to the doc ignited the flame I have to get back to exercising regularly to be healthy, and my most recent trip to the Gap was the vanity cue I needed to make it happen. I was there...but that was my tipping point, plus I'd like to get back into my designer jeans by spring!

In seriousness though, I feel like I have been given a gift to be able to walk again and do just about everything I was able to do before. It is my responsibility to get myself in the best shape I can be in to live a longer healthy life. Living with a chronic disease or pain or whatever sucks so bad, trust me. Many patients with my condition are in wheelchairs and face so many challenges. I am lucky.

I have concern for young women who do not take care of their bodies, and/or are starving themselves to be this unreal standard of what's beautiful. At least when I was growing up and through high school we were all very healthy and active and eating for goodness sake.

As women we have this constant barrage of images and expectations to be beautiful and skinny; I wish it was the same pressure to be healthy. I love the DOVE real women campaign and women like Jessica Simpson (I'm serious) who speak out on behalf of healthy women and what is real, true beauty.

I am going to make my exercising a priority again, embrace my curvier soon to be more fit me, and I am also going to keep eating dessert. And be happy.

I'll keep you posted. Be healthy, happy, run good! xo pdub