Poker and me; an unrequited love story

“I hate everything about poker, but what I hate the most?….the players.” Quote from one of the nicest guys ever, and one of the best pro players I have ever met and played with.  There’s some element of truth to this unfortunately. Man, you meet some real douche bags when you play, and you’re stuck there for 3-14 hours straight sometimes. There are another 8 or 9 players and yourself usually at the table, and you are sitting there, for hours on end with those same people. If they aren’t silent they are usually making some smart ass, critical, often mean comments about you or your play. Sometimes they try to ‘get in your head’ which always makes me giggle honestly. The craned neck, hoody kid, fixed staring in my direction for minutes, trying to get their ‘read’ off me always makes me giggle, whether I am bluffing or have the nuts. It’s so ridiculous.

I’m running just horribly right now. I have not been on the good side of variance for about 8 months. I also just arrived back from a week long poker marathon in Reno that I bricked, so I’m a little more cynical than usual about poker. Being a douche is the m.o. for a lot of players, and it really doesn’t bother me, and certainly doesn’t affect my game (usually), but I will say something if someone is just downright personally mean to someone else at the table.

For the record I am regularly called a ‘bitch, dumb bitch, dumb whore, you women are stupid, women shouldn’t be allowed to play’… the list goes. I am not called these things because I am actually being a bitch, it’s usually after I win a pot. It is rather unpleasant being on the receiving end of these comments but hey ‘that’s poker!” How many times did I hear that last week? For the record, many times, particularly when I got 2 or 3 out-ted on the river multiple times. It gets old.

Also for the record, my bad running is not all bad luck. There were absolutely spots where my decision making was off or my read was off, so my play was not perfect. However bad luck way out-weighed my bad play. I always analyze my play and I have a lot to learn (one of the things that I find appealing about poker). Twice this past week someone limp trapped me with QQ and KK, and it cost me. I have to watch that. I personally would rarely limp with these hands unless I was trying to induce a shove or something.  In any case they got a few chips from me, so their limp trap worked.

I also have to watch those cash players. Any two, any two? Limp, raise, call. Or limp, raise, 3 bet, call, call.  Original cash player limper tables 2 3 on a A3783 board and takes pot, even though the 3 better bet his AK on the flop and the turn. Third then fourth pair is good to call right? Yeesh. I have to be careful with those guys.

Some positives this past week: My boyfriend played and ran like a god. He cashed at least 70% of his tournies, final tabled a couple, and chopped won 2 events. I was so proud of him. He was running hot.

We also met some very nice young men who were exceptional players. I mean exceptional. I saw one young man make a sick call with K high. Monty saw the same kid make another sick call with Q high! I mean, that kid is putting the story together and adding it up and making an amazing steel kahones decision. So good. For many of these young men though they are playing a bit scared, because they have no bankroll and they have to at least cash! Especially with online poker essentially gone, they are trying to grind a living playing the regional live circuit. Yeesh that is tough. 

I can foresee the live tournament poker player demo shifting more towards your middle aged, disposable income hobbyist. Throw in your few pros and some kids with backers and I think that’s going to be the make-up of players. This year in Hammond we saw 2000 players in an event, more than 70% were 20 something guys. I predict we will see far less young guys in a year. If online poker comes back, then that will change, but if not, I predict we will see a slightly smaller and older field at the live tournaments next year. Women players makeup typically 5% of the field. I don’t think that’s going to change. Especially if we keep getting told we are dumb bitches lol. Fun times.

I am also re-thinking my game strategy. The old guys who were betting 10x bb on hands were stacking chips! Yeah the young guys were laughing at them but they were taking down the tournaments! I think I might throw in some crazy town tidbits I picked up this trip myself the next time I play. We’ll see. I can probably get away with it because I am just a stupid female player anyways, so they say.

From here on out, I am only doing 5 day max, out of town tournaments. Anything longer is just too much. It is grueling and exhausting and unhealthy. I would rather take extended time for a beach vacation. With the money we’ve spent on buy ins, I’d rather go to Europe for a week! Or…the degen gambler in me who still loves to play poker thinks…how about Monte Carlo and get the best of both worlds? I think that’s a fabulous idea for summer 2012 instead of the WSOP.

Apart from poker I am running pretty good in general though. Gearing up for some holiday travel and playing our local poker tournies which, I love. They are simply fun to play, which keeps me playing.

Hope you all are running good! Put a dollar into the Salvation Army bucket. Namaste, pdub.

Good Customer Service (the Myth)

There’s an epidemic going on, and it’s called ‘Crappy Customer Service’. I have been bitching about it for years but find myself slipping into this mode of passive indifference.  But why? Why is it okay to accept crappy customer service? I believe we here in the US accept mediocre service as good, and crappy customer service as acceptable. I don’t think this is ok. I can totally understand why Yelp is such a go-to resource now.

A few personal recent examples of crap customer service off the top of my head, and for your entertainment (misery loves company):

Apple Genius Bar: I forgot this one, my boyfriend asked how I could possibly ever forget the ultimate in bad service from 'they can do no wrong' Apple. So here's what happened. True story. My iPhone was acting wonky, spazzing out, locking pages etc over a weekend, so I went online to see if there were any posts to resolve. No luck. After an hour or so of time I decided I would just go to the Apple store. So some Monday at around 5:30 pm I drive the 20 minutes to the closest Apple store which is in a mall. I walk in the store and there are 5 Apple peeps in their matching blue shirts and neck thingies lingering around in there. No one else, not a single customer (which I know is weird for Apple store but it's true). One of the Appletons greets me asks if they can help and I explain to her my issue. She points to the guy behind the genius bar and tells me I need to see him, but I need to schedule an appointment. I thought she was kidding, so I asked her if she was serious, she said 'yeah' and takes me to a computer to schedule. I said 'there's no one here.' She told me that I still need to make an appointment. Wtf. So I schedule my stupid appointment for 30 minutes from that time, leave the empty store and make my way to the food court. I'm bored after 10 minutes and a small soda later so I window shop and get sucked into a sale at Banana Republic. I pick a few things and take them to the dressing room, with not much luck, then I look at my watch. I'm 4 minutes late for my appointment. I leave BR quickly and head back to the Apple store 3 doors down. The same 5 blue Appletons are there, and the store is still dead empty. I head to the Genius counter and they tell me I need to reschedule because I'm late. She was such a smug bitch I wanted to punch her in the face and tell her 'fyi you aren't even close to being San Fran Apple store cool'. But I didn't say that I did tell her I thought this was absolutely absurd and that I was only 5 minutes late and there wasn't another soul here could they please make an exception. She finally did. The dick genius at the bar looked at my phone and told me to go home and restore it and if that didn't work then to come back in, with an appointment. I asked if he could do it at the store, he told me to go home. I left the store pissed and wanted to flip the no look back bird on my way out but I didn't. I did resolve my own phone issue but I was seriously so pissed I nearly wrote a long complaint letter. I didn't. My love affair with Apple however died with that experience. True. Story.

Scheduling a mammogram: 15 minute call to primary physician. I was placed on hold, routed several times to 3 ladies, none of which were happy, 2 were bitchy. They ultimately let me know that I am covered for this by insurance, I just need to call this xx phone number to schedule directly, no referral needed.  Next step I call the xx phone number, I am routed through a complex phone system, but successfully get to radiology. I am received by another unpleasant woman who tells me I need to get a referral from my primary doctor. I tell her that I was told the opposite by the primary. She is confused and not happy. What a bitch I am. I’m put on hold. She comes back several minutes later and tells me she’ll book it but she’s not so sure it’ll be ok. (As a result I made a note to follow up a few days before the appointment to make sure I’m still on and that I’ll be covered ok because I don’t want to have the next step to be an insurance company crap-tastic disaster to clear up.) Note: insurance company customer service issues are the mecca of crappy, take pro-active measures to avoid at all costs.

Travel Changes: forget about it, I don’t care if it’s Travelocity, Orbitz whatever. I don’t even need to go into detail because we’ve all experienced the misery. Just don’t bother trying to make changes to an existing itinerary. Between the change fee, and the difference in fare fee, and the pain and suffering, just rebook another fare.

Ordering Drink at the bar: Bartender walks over after passing me 5 times. Me, (smile) “Hi, how are you?” Her, (frowning , silence, no response). I swear I am not exaggerating.  Me “Can I order a drink?”. Her “what do you want?’still not smiling. Me not smiling anymore now either, and a little bit frightened actually… made my order, got my drink, but wowza.

Spending tons of money at local independent boutique:  At no time during my visit while browsing, trying stuff on or at register did anyone ask for my contact info, email, my sizing, my preferences or fave lines/ designers, or if there is anything on my wish list I’m looking for. Owner says numbers are down and grim, blames the location and economy. I would disagree with that. Basic stuff man.

Big Bank: quote from my gentle beloved “I think it’s unbelievable, every one of those assholes I've talked to make me feel like shit about wanting to get access to my own money. Fuck those guys”. (Big Bank loses big customer).

Grocery store, Walgreens, Target: your basic run of the mill mistakes at register and me being an overall huge inconvenience for purchasing their stuff. Again, what a bitch I am.

I don’t know what has happened over the past decade or so. It appears that customer service levels have reached a new low, as has good common sense and hard work. Maybe I’m being unfair and over-generalizing but I believe customer service levels have deteriorated over the years. Maybe the jobs suck really bad and people are grossly underpaid. Maybe that’s why the service is so poor. I had some pretty rough gigs myself throughout my 20’s but was raised to work hard and think outside the box and low and behold, that kind of thing is often recognized, and that’s how you develop a career. Crazy how that works. I feel like there’s this generation of young kids who think becoming a Gaga or a Bieber or a Zuckerberg or a Rachel Zoe is A. easy and B. what they deserve and C. what they deserve now and D. what they deserve without doing the work.  I am digressing a bit into a different topic but I do think there is a connection between the two: youth ideals / customer service.

Here’s the upside. I think there’s positive that can come out of this customer service negative. I believe there is tremendous opportunity to be extraordinarily successful by selling or providing anything, if it comes with exceptional customer service. Even in a bad economy, actually particularly in a bad economy I think a business can be successful with great service. I think there’s a spiritual, cultural and economic movement happening right now and people want some change, much like most of the #ow occupiers have intended . Check out this short article speaking of the 3^rd progressive era. I think it is very positive in the midst of our current economic disaster. This article speaks to our economy and society on a macro level, and things like customer service I think fold into this concept on a micro level.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/13/opinion/sunday/the-new-progressive-movement.html?_r=3

In case you don’t have the time to read this here’s an excerpt speaking to what I was describing with change on a macro level:

“Following our recent financial calamity, a third progressive era is likely to be in the making. This one should aim for three things. The first is a revival of crucial public services, especially education, training, public investment and environmental protection. The second is the end of a climate of impunity that encouraged nearly every Wall Street firm to commit financial fraud. The third is to re-establish the supremacy of people votes over dollar votes in Washington.” The New Progressive Movement – NYTimes.com

On the micro level, here’s a couple of good recent customer service examples that give me hope:
Movie Theatre Concession Booth: here's my second edit addition that I forgot about that my boyfriend reminded me of. It left me with hope for our youth to be honest. Story goes, my boyfriend and I went to the movies, it was his choice this time, so he opted for 'Captain America'. He left me at the concession line with an order for the #1 to share (small popcorn/ soda) while he went to the little boys room. I made it to the front of the line and was greeted by a super sweet 16-17 year old girl. She asked me what movie I was going to see and I told her but that I really wanted to see 'Crazy, Stupid, Love'. We shared a 'the things we do for love' giggle. I then made my order and she told me for only another dollar I could get the 64oz of soda and the large popcorn, it was a great value! (she said with exuberance and a smile). How could I say no? So I did, I gave her my money just as my boyfriend made his way back over, with a look of horror in his eyes at the gallon size tub of popcorn. He asked how I could screw up this simple request and how would any two humans consume such quantity of soda and popcorn, so I explained and  shared with him how nice this young girl was and she was a great up-seller, i just had to buy it. I would have bought the m&ms too if she suggested. I was just so surprised by good service I was sucked in. It was great. That young lady was great.

Vet:  They gave me an appointment reminder a few days before. At the time of appointment they were friendly, thorough, on time and then after my appointment…wait for it…they gave me a follow up call to see how the patient was doing!

Hybrid Hair Salon: At the time of scheduling they reminded me of additional services I was due for. At the time of appointment, they were on time, greeted me with a smile, offered me refreshments, gave me a complementary scalp massage, thoroughly addressed my needs and did it with a smile and with professionalism. I left with a great cut and product that I needed and my next appointment already booked at checkout. Tabatha need never go to this salon for make-over.

I seriously don’t want to be a bitch anymore to spend money on products or services. I also don’t want to have to be an expert on everything so I don’t get screwed in general. I will spend more money on a product or service where I receive good customer service vs the same product, less price with bad service. I can tell you this for sure, the next business I start, I will provide kick-ass customer service.

I am a bit cynical after years of crappy customer service beat-down, and yeah a bit recession bummed too, but I will make efforts to be an effective and positive part of our hopeful progressive change in ways that I can. Imagine if we all pitched in to do our part big or small to effect change (hence the def’n: movement). Hmmmm, maybe its time to get that new business rolling….

Start with a smile, and take it from there. Run well, and prosper! Namaste, Pdub.

So, what do you do?

Yesterday I attended a “weekend with your novel” workshop at UW, and met tons and tons of new people who asked me the standard question, “So what do you do?”

I figured I wouldn’t have to prepare to answer this question as I assumed everyone in attendance there were writers, and that I’d be faced with more of the “what genre” type questions. Unfortunately, after the 5^th person asked me “what do you do?” I realized that there are probably only a handful of novelists earning an income at it, so all of these writers have to additionally have more traditional ‘jobs’.

Sure words like tangential and hyperbolic were thrown around like the everyday monosyllabic grunts that are exchanged in most of my dialogues, but this didn’t preclude these literary folks from asking the age, old question:

“So, what do you do?”

I hate this question. It was easy breezy 10 years ago, because my answer fit into a nice, clean, expected, and impressive check box.

Here’s how I answered this question this week:

“So what do you do?”

At the doctor: “unemployed”

At the poker tables: “ retired” , “former business owner”, “former corporate exec”

At the dentist: “writing a novel”

At the fashion boutique: “poker player”

And at the writer’s workshop: “I just recently worked in the corporate world” (that was the lamest of all, would have been better off saying unemployed)

Who am I La Femme Nikita? The reality is I do lots of stuff, but I think what people mean to ask is “what do you do for a living that actually provides income?”

So again, I do a lot of stuff but I’m not actually making a ton of dinero doing any of the above at this point. However I feel like if I don’t have an easy answer, then people become uncomfortable and judgmental. I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it.  Twelve years ago when I was a Vice President for a telecomm company and answered the question, people would say “Oh!”, with a crescendo in their voice and smile and raise their brow and ask more probing questions to gage my success.

Now if I answer “I’m a poker player”, the response is met in one of two ways with either “oh” with kind of the you are a degenerate gambler stink face, or the “Oh, are you on TV?”, holy shit that’s so cool face.

Saying “I’m retired” makes people feel bad about themselves like,”hey she’s younger than me and must be loaded, so therefore I’m a loser”.

If I say “I’m unemployed” it has the inverse effect, people might feel better about themselves because they certainly must be more successful then me like it’s a competition, and maybe they’ll feel sorry for me a little bit, but then, how do you move forward from that answer? It’s all kinds of awkward. Most of the time my answer depends on who’s asking or depending on my environment. I mean it’s ridiculous.

I remember years ago when I was visiting one of my best friends and her family in Atlanta, her husband (who by the way is one of the nicest, hardest working, super successful, all around awesome guys) he said to me, ”you know if I want to go open a fly fishing shop at this stage in my life, well, I can and I can just say ‘fuck it, and fuck ‘em’, been there, done that, worked my ass off, don’t have anything to prove or to explain.” Period.

That’s so true, and same with me, I have worked my ass off my whole life and provided for myself, so why should I feel insecure and feel like I need to justify my current existence or my identity with my past career?  It’s kind of absurd when you think about it isn’t it?

So should the question be answered with what occupies most of our time? For me the answer would be poker and writing. If I win millions at poker I’ll give the money away to charity, and the same goes for writing a best selling novel, but the reality is this; I spend most of my time with these two things and I do not make a lot of money with either.

What about stay at home moms? Shouldn’t they be equally if not more valued and praised than their highly successful lawyer husbands? Why do we praise financial success and not our community efforts or family involvement or volunteer time for the needy with a higher value? Shouldn’t we?

For some of us ‘what we do’ is a means to an end or to be able to do the things we really want to be doing. They work so that they can do good things, spend time with their family and enjoy their lives passions. For some lucky people they have both in one shot. Their career is their passion and all fulfilling and they make money doing it. And for some people they are doing what they love, or following their calling and money has zero relevancy. Like school teachers. Why do we pay them so little? It makes no sense.

Many swami’s and gurus teach out of pure love and joy for no money at all and place their faith that they will be provided for. And they have zero stress about it, completely detached from materialism and worry.  I work hard each day towards enlightenment but I’ll be honest, this would stress me out, in fact it stresses me out thinking about it. It’s mind-boggling when you think about it all.

I also ask the stupid question and cringe at myself when I do so when I meet someone new. I’m sincerely interested in meeting new people and getting to know them but I need to figure out how to do that without putting them in the box with “So what do you do?”

Maybe I need to try out “So how do you spend most of you time?” for a while. See how that works.

If anyone has any better ideas I’d love to hear them.

Whatever it is that you do with your time, do it with heart and soul. And hopefully you are running good in the process! xo Pdub

Hey, if you have been following my blog, a couple of updates:

1.     I’ve been working out with a personal trainer and I am sore as hell. Feeling good, haven’t lost any weight yet

2.     I’m delighted with how my skin looks

My Birthday Wish...you can do it!

It is not only my birthday on Saturday this week, but also my 2 year anniversary when I first became sick with, what is called Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyneuropathy (CIDP); a chronic version of Guillain Barre Syndrome which is a rare paralyzing disorder affecting the peripheral nervous system. It’s not something you ‘catch’, it’s something that happens, usually triggered by something traumatic like having a very bad flu or undergoing surgery or receiving a flu vaccine. The traumatic situation spins your immune system into overdrive. Your immune system then doesn’t know how to stop and continues to attack your own nerves (attacking the myelin sheaths that cover the nerves or worse the nerve axons) causing tingling, numbness and paralysis. It is treatable but not curable and many patients are left with a varying degree of residual symptoms. For some those symptoms are outwardly obvious, but for many those symptoms are invisible such as numbness, pain and unbearable fatigue.

This disease has changed my life. I have learned to slow way down, initially because I had to, but now because I want to. I enjoy the very simple things in life and I’m not as stressed all the time. I love to walk outside and look at the trees and the wildlife. I love to read. I like to take that extra second and make an effort to be nice to someone. It’s not hard. Sure I have my bad days and get into a cranky mood (it happens and it’s not pretty), but generally speaking I try to be kind more often than not.

I also try to look at people in a different way now. Instead of viewing each person who comes across your path as a nuisance, or an asshole, or an obstacle inhibiting you from getting to your next destination by a millisecond, take one second to consider that this person might be sick, or have a sick child, or just lost their job, or just had an argument with their partner, or lost a beloved pet. Develop your empathy like a new habit you wish to develop.

I’ve completely changed my career as a result of this disease. Now I’m now getting involved in causes I believe in, brainstorming business ideas, and going back to school for creative writing and I am in the midst of writing my first novel (it’s very funny, just sayin’).

I’m lucky though, I am in a supportive relationship, and generally have the freedom to be able to do these things, otherwise I’d be faced with a whole other set of challenges that my fellow patients have to deal with.

I also have my “work days” as we call them in our house, those days that creep out of nowhere when my symptoms are so bad it feels like I am wearing a tingly cement suit, and I’m exhausted, forcing me to rest.

Look, something like this happening - if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.

So, ask yourself, if you could no longer walk, or use your hands, what would you do? How would you work? How would you support your family and your current lifestyle?

At the same time, ask yourself this, if you knew you had say 5 months or 5 years left on this earth, are there things that you would like to be doing? Are you doing them now? Why not?

Sure we have responsibilities and need to provide for yourselves, your loved ones,  and your community, but could you live on half your income? A third of your income? Would you be happy? What makes you happy? I’m sure that 90% of you would recall happy memories of something that you did not something that you bought right?

For me I’m happy being undefeated in cribbage against my boyfriend.

I’m joking, just trying to lighten up this heavy stuff.

But seriously I do enjoy beating him at cribbage. All the time.

So my birthday wish is this. Today I’d like everyone to take a moment to develop your empathy. Try to be empathetic towards people and kind to them where possible in your everyday tasks. See what happens. See how you feel. See if you keep doing it tomorrow. Give someone a smile, or a helping hand, or give someone a compliment.

And finally in addition to your empathy development, consider your ‘what if’ questions but put a positive spin onto them. What other things would you like to be doing with your life, and what small steps can you take to incorporate some element of that into your life. I’m not saying go out and quit your job, but if you have always wanted to learn a language, start with an online class. If you love animals, go to your local shelter and donate play time. Watch what happens next.

If you try any of these exercises above you’ll be giving yourself a gift, I promise.

Thanks for reading. Be kind and run well, and be the person your pets think you are, Namaste, pdub

Endnote:

Recommended reading: “ The Art of Joyful Living”  by Swami Rama. It’s simple and it’s awesome. If I was winning more at poker right now I’d buy a copy for any reader who wanted it, it’s that good.

www.gbs-cidp.org to learn more about GBS and CIDP; the rare diseases not getting enough attention to make them go away.

The Final Verdict on Laser Peels

I thought quite a bit about my play-by-play of my first couple days after enduring a laser peel, and there are a couple things I’d like to say.

First of all, any voluntary cosmetic procedure, whether it is invasive or not, needs to be seriously considered and researched. There are many risks associated with a laser zap, or a surgical incision. These procedures should not be taken lightly. Risks can range from scarring, to infection, to deformation, to death.

I have been researching laser treatments for a good 10 years. Technology changes, quickly. If you are interested yourself, a good starting point is to look up archives of Marie Claire or Allure magazine for example. These magazines often have fairly recent articles doing a side by side comparison on various cosmetic complaints, and treatment options, ranging from topical to invasive. From there you can do more of your own investigative research

Barriers to entry in the biz are also changing. Most cosmetic procedures just a few years ago were required to be performed by a board certified cosmetic surgeons. Someone with a Dr. in front of his/her name. Now you can go to some aestheticians who are trying to augment their revenue with the same procedure and took a weekend workshop in operating a machine that could burn holes in your flesh. 

My team has multiple certifications, came highly recommended, and I spoke to the primary cosmetic doctor on site before I decided upon moving forward. Look for certifications from groups such as American Society of Laser Medicine & Surgery, and American Board of Facial Plastic & Reconstructive Surgery. Buyer beware, do your homework.

My team sent me home with detailed home care instructions, and they called me the next day to check on me.  They are also going to communicate with my gal Dana who does my facials, to make sure she is cognizant of what has been done to my skin. They are so professional.

I would also like to say although injections won’t be part of my beauty maintenance program, I am in no way passing judgment on anyone who decides that that is an option for themselves. It’s not really any different than what I have done from a theoretical standpoint, it’s just not for me. If face lifts, or botox work for you, then all the power to ya. Just try to understand the risks and any future ramifications as a result of your procedure.

An interesting tidbit is that Jessie (the gal who conducted the treatment) told me she was shocked at how busy they are. She said the recession has had no negative impact on their business, in fact they are busier than ever. She said many of the ladies who are currently unemployed are actually taking this downtime to finally have a little work done here and there. Interesting huh?

Oh, and what were the final results of my procedure?  I’m still not finished the re-epithelialization process yet (ie, peeling), however I can see: broken capillaries, gone, Brown spots gone or faded, Fine lines, diminished, Redness, diminished. The skin revealed is so soft and glorious, I am going to take special care to try and keep it that way. Although the recovery time is a bit longer than I thought, the results are fantastic and I would do it again.

Do your homework, be healthy, run good! pdub

Endnotes: Thanks to the crew at Roberston Plastic Surgery & Renew Skin & Renewal Centre in Madison, WI http://www.robertsonplasticsurgery.com/

Best facials in town: Dana at Serene Face & Beauty http://www.serenebeautyfb.com/

The Real Deal on Laser Facial Peels

How do I know? Because I just got one yesterday. Quite hypocritical when I speak of health first, and that beauty is on the inside not the outside right? Absolutely.

I planned the timing of this. I wanted to do this after the summer, and before the holidays were upon us. Seemed like good timing, and right before I hit my (gasp) 43^rd birthday next week.

BUT! I’ll defend it by saying I had it done because it’s a non-invasive procedure to help me bring my skin back to it’s healthiest self after years and years of sun abuse as a teenager and through college. Why didn’t I wear sunscreen when I was lifeguarding all those summers through high school and college??…so stupid. I sincerely believe that we need to focus on inner beauty and good health, but I will try to look my best possible me as well. I know I sound a little defensive, I kind of am a little.

Also, why is it really any different than using your St Ives or whatever facial scrub? We are supposed to exfoliate our skin anyhow. This is basically a juiced up exfoliant, that burns off a layer of your flesh to reveal a younger more vibrant you.  

Sounds gruesome doesn’t it? Well it is.

The real deal is that it is unpleasant, painful, and tortuous, with soon to be determined results.

The procedure is called Renew laser peel. It’s a combination of 3 separate laser treatments that reduce the appearance of fine lines, sunspots, redness, rough patches, uneven skin tone, as well as stimulate collagen and improve overall skin texture. The procedure took almost 2 hours and cost $400, which by Atlanta and Chicago standards is quite good. The gal who did this has been doing this for 11 years, and came highly recommended.

By the way she was my age and her skin was enviably gorgeous and she looks 30.

I also cleared my calendar for the week., the time it takes for recovery, and I’m hiding inside.

I never will get injectables or go under the knife, I do want to age and embrace and accept my face and body as I age naturally. Women I see on TV who have clearly had work done scare me a bit. They all take on that kind of alien looking face. I will never get injectables, ever. I can make that emphatic statement partially because of my belief system, but also because my neurologist took that option away from me as a ‘never do it’. Basically a nerve freezing procedure is kind of a bad idea for a gal who has a nerve disease prone to paralysis. Temptation eliminated.

Anyhow, the procedure is this:

1.     scalpel to face to scrape off that first dead skin layer (loved that)

2.     eye protectors stuck on, a big jelly ultrasound like jelly onto face then a loud, bright light, zap like a small whip on your face over and over. Horrid and somewhat painful.  This takes 20 minutes.

3.     Topical numbing cream placed all over my face ,which terrified me as she tells me to let it settle in for 15 minutes. So if the first one didn’t require a numbing agent, then this second laser must hurt like a son of a bitch.

4.     Enter laser 2. It hurt like a son of a bitch, much like 1, but with no light, and you want it to end as soon as possible.

5.     Move to laser 3. This one goes deep into the skin columns, so the zap kind of sits there for a second before moving to the next area of flesh. Another 15 minutes that seemed like eternity, then done!

6.     Cooling gel, then I am given my at home care kit, then home!

I warned my boyfriend about 10 times weeks in advance that I was going to require downtime for about 5 days, and I was going to look a bit scary. He heard “blah, blah, blah, blah”.

When I walked into the house yesterday and I turned the corner, his eyes opened wide as saucers accompanied by a “oh my god”.

I warned ya.

Here’s what I looked liked yesterday. Swollen, red, bleeding a little out of some pores. It hurt like a bad sunburn. It sucked. I was up until 2 am and 4 Aleve’s in my system. I have to keep a thick balm on my skin so it won’t dry out, so the healthy skin underneath can emerge without stress and strain from the top layer.

She took a mole off my forehead that bugged me for years as a bonus. Thanks.

Today the pain is gone but my skin is starting to feel tight and I want to scratch it off my face.  I am less red and less swollen. The peeling starts tomorrow….going to be an interesting day. The shedding is supposed to take 3 days….

I was going to put my pictures of day 1 and 2 up, but my boyfriend said I might scare away any readers as well as discourage anyone from ever getting this done. (By the way, for the record he thought I was beautiful before this and didn’t need to do anything, but he supports me whatever I choose to do and feels bad that I’m feeling bad right now. I told him he’s going to get a lot a crap from people for having such a much younger looking girlfriend now.)

Anyhow, I wasn’t sure anyone would want to see that grossness? Maybe I’ll put a before and after series together at the end of the recovery? Maybe I’ll wait for any comments before I throw those pics up there. I’m not sure what my overall opinion is on this procedure just yet, if it’s worth it or not.

I’ll keep you posted, see you in a day or two.  Wear sunscreen, keep smiling, run well, xo pdub

Jukebox Rules!

I love me a jukebox, and my title 'Jukebox Rules!' is a double entendre 1. because I think jukeboxes are awesome !!  and 2. because I think it's important to state my opinion about the unsaid rules of using the jukebox.

Last Saturday night it became evident to me that many people just do not understand the 'code and unwritten rule of ethics' while operating the jukebox (I will call this jukebox operator person the jukeboxer).

So anyway, last Saturday night, my boyfriend and I went to a local pub up the street to watch the Badger football game. It was a tense game. We were behind Michigan State at the third quarter, and the bar was lined with locals riveted to the multiple TV screens that were all broadcasting the same game (I was watching two at a time back and forth for my own entertainment).

Around the middle of the third quarter, 3 twenty-somethings roll into the bar (two guys, one girl), and proceed to the bar to order a good pound of cheese curds. While waiting for their order to arrive, they saunter over to the jukebox (and they did saunter because they looked super drunk and super stoned, so they kind of puddled their way over en masse). In a huddle around the jukebox, we watched as they slipped in a bill of currency, of which denomination it was unclear at that time (this is important as I talk about jukebox loading later).

Seconds later as the pile of curds are placed onto the bar, we all hear, very loud, that very recognizable guitar scratch of strings then riff of 'Back in Black' by AC/DC. Now, I totally dig their song selection, but they probably broke the cardinal rule of the jukeboxer:

"Never, ever,  ever, under any circumstances will one make a jukebox active with a music selection when more than 25% of  venue patrons are watching a sporting event or major political event." -Rule 1 jukeboxer code of ethics.

I swear to you I thought 5 maybe 10 people were going to jump from their stools and beat them down. The sports watchers expressed their dismay, yelled at the jukeboxers, and begged the bartender to trump the sound. Apparently he could not do this, so we endured through the classic AC/DC track as well as 'Close to Me' by The Cure (also pdub approved fyi).

The trio inhaled their cheese curds (supporting my stoned theory), giggled to themselves, ignoring the taunts and jeers from the bar and left shortly after, just in time for the rest of us remaining to watch the fourth quarter and the miserable 4 last seconds of the game.

I wanted to share with you this Rule #1 in detail so that you never make that dreaded mistake that the kids made last Saturday night.

It also could have been a really bad scene had that $1 they put in been a $5. I'm not kidding.

Rule #2 is to avoid 'Jukebox Loading'. This is when one person puts in a bill denomination of say $10 or more, and loads it with only their personal faves with zero consideration for their fellow patrons. Let me tell you it is miserable being at your fave bar at 10pm on a Saturday night and enduring through some Pink Floyd looong tunes or the 20 minute Grateful Dead jams. The only exception to this rule is if you are a jukeboxer aficionado and know how to play sets of music that will be universally pleasing to at least 75% of the people in the bar.

I consider myself as a Jukeboxer Aficionado, and I have earned this title by logging many many hours playing the jukebox and studying classic and current song selections. It's serious stuff, so don't think about loading the jukebox with 100% R&B unless you have at least 100 hours logged as a jukeboxer student. It's kind of like getting your pilots license, but with more responsibility.

I also keep a running list of song choices on my iNotes in my iPhone in the event I blank out once I am faced with the jukebox interface. That big screen can be intimidating, and sometimes, on rare occasion, alcohol consumption can have an effect on my song recall.

Another rule, do NOT take your bartender tip money as music selection money. Okay? It's just not cool. They don't give a shit about the songs, they need to make some bucks. Put a few small bills in your back pocket to be ready and to be on the safe side.

I am feeling generous and going to fill you in on my most recent top 10 selections (note as an Aficionado it changes regularly). This is a good starter list, these songs please everyone, and you can spin off from there. Enjoy.

1. Sheryl Crow - Steve McQueen
2. Better Than Ezra - Good
3. George Michael - Freedom 90
4. The Doors - Roadhouse Blues
5. The Temper Trap - Fader
6. Sloan - The Good in Everyone
7. Tom Petty - I won't back down
8. Stones - She's so Cold
9. Lit - My Own Worst Enemy
10. Sublime - What I got
11. Eagle Eye Cherry - Save Tonight (Bonus Track I stole from my boyfriend)

There's a pretty good chance if you were sitting at a bar and one of these songs came on you'd be singing along or tapping your feet, waiting for the next song.

That is my cautionary tale about the jukebox, as well as some lessons learned and gifts given. Enjoy, run good, namaste! pdub

I'm so vain

I broke down and went to the Gap yesterday to buy a couple of new pairs of jeans. I had to go up a size because I have put on some weight. It has been terribly depressing as I was hoping to fit back into my $500 Dolce & Gabbana floral pocket jeans again, as well as my $200 Rock & Republic dark wash wide leg jeans. Apparently I am materialistic too. Actually they are just really cool jeans. But yeah, excessively pricey. Anyhow that's not the point of this, but maybe there is some tie into what I am trying to say here in this post.

I have always had one size of jeans basically from high school up until 2009. Now I have 4 'sets' of jeans in various sizes.

I have my super skinny jeans that I had to buy in early 2010 when I lost 25 pounds when I first got sick with my nerve demylenating disease. Then I went back to normal weight after I could eat, but I lost a lot of muscle mass but put weight back on. Then I just kept eating and put on really unhealthy weight and now I have 2 more sets of jean sizes. Unreal.

However, there are a couple of things I have learned along the way from this jean sizing swing over the past 3 years:

I was basically hungry for 22 years being all slim. It kind of sucked. I was really missing out on the pleasures of food. I was eating for sustenance, I was certainly healthy and eating just enough, and working out all the time, but man was I missing out on some good things in life. Like dessert. After I got sick (and met my foodie boyfriend), I was exposed to some wonderful food, and I have enjoyed them (the food and my boyfriend)! But I hate myself at the same time for putting on the weight. Then I get mad and in self pity mode for getting this weird rare disease and not being able to workout like I have in the past.

On a plus side (literally) I kind of like having some curves. I'd just rather be fit and curvy, not soft and curvy. I don't think I ever want to be boobs on a stick ever again. And quite honestly, have you seen Madonna and Demi Moore up close? My photographer friend Ben said women as they get older look so much better with a little meat on their bones. Our skin elasticity deteriorates, we lose good collagen and we would end up looking all skeletor and skin kind of hanging. Pass, I think I'd prefer a more plump radiant look then.

I have also learned that I have enjoyed the swing from my past uber skinny fit me to the soft enjoy life me. However, to a certain degree I have been hiding behind the excuse of my disease to not be quite so active. True confession. There's somewhere in the middle I need to be now.

And doctors orders. My awesome neurologist and equally awesome primary both told me 150 minutes a week of some exercise is the minimum we need to stay healthy and that I need to be doing it (they also told me 90% of Americans do NOT).

I can tell you it is amazing, in just 3 years after a lifetime of being an athlete and working out my whole life how quickly it all unravels. I have ligament damage from being bed-ridden for 6 months and then in-active during the past 2 years recovery, as well as problems with joint pain, and other issues, and of course weight gain.

So...my recent trip to the doc ignited the flame I have to get back to exercising regularly to be healthy, and my most recent trip to the Gap was the vanity cue I needed to make it happen. I was there...but that was my tipping point, plus I'd like to get back into my designer jeans by spring!

In seriousness though, I feel like I have been given a gift to be able to walk again and do just about everything I was able to do before. It is my responsibility to get myself in the best shape I can be in to live a longer healthy life. Living with a chronic disease or pain or whatever sucks so bad, trust me. Many patients with my condition are in wheelchairs and face so many challenges. I am lucky.

I have concern for young women who do not take care of their bodies, and/or are starving themselves to be this unreal standard of what's beautiful. At least when I was growing up and through high school we were all very healthy and active and eating for goodness sake.

As women we have this constant barrage of images and expectations to be beautiful and skinny; I wish it was the same pressure to be healthy. I love the DOVE real women campaign and women like Jessica Simpson (I'm serious) who speak out on behalf of healthy women and what is real, true beauty.

I am going to make my exercising a priority again, embrace my curvier soon to be more fit me, and I am also going to keep eating dessert. And be happy.

I'll keep you posted. Be healthy, happy, run good! xo pdub

Tournament Poker: Real Practical Packing (apart from $$)

I am a list person. I've gotten better since I got sick years ago but it's hard to take the OCD and the A type out of a gal. I have lists for everything, including my template 'packing lists', which includes my live tournament poker packing list.

It closely resembles a packing list for your favorite beach vacation.

I'm just kidding, (it's not even close).

This may be helpful to some of you at some point in the event that you head out to a casino in a beautiful part of our country such as Orange Park, FL, Elizabeth IN, or in this case Hammond, IN. Never been there? Don't bother putting it on your bucket list.

So here's some things on my list:

• Perfume: not for the reason you think. Not to attract, but to give myself a protective bubble in the unfortunate event I get sat next to someone who smells very bad. It has happened to me before and you are trapped there for 12 hours, and it is torture.
• Fruits & Veggies in raw format and Super Concentrate Powder fruit & veggies: to put in your water. There are few food choices in a casino. Maybe a little Sbarro pizza or some fried food buffet, but not a lot of color in the food choices. Five or more days without proper nutrition can make you feel a little crappy. Also think thousands of players handling and exchanging the same poker chips and cards for hours and days on end. Ew. Need your immune system strong.
• Power Bars: Same reason as above. Not to mention an average tourney runs 12 hours a day with 15 min breaks every 3 hours...best to pack a few power bars and nuts.
• Jackets and long sleeve shirts but not your good ones: Why? Even though the poker rooms are non-smoking, two levels of slots machine and table game players in the HUGE smoking section below has its way of the smoke wafting upwards and attaching itself to you. (I also keep large plastic bags for my luggage). The second reason I bring layers and layers of clothes is because the poker room is kept at a sub 0 degree temperature like a meat locker. It's so cold sitting in a cold seat for 12 hours. I'm cold thinking about it.
• Orange Stick/ Cuticle Stick: Again not for the primping reason you would think but because at the end of a long poker day, you end up scraping out the gunk from the felt of the poker tables and off the chips from under your nails. I use this manicure tool to remove it at the end of the day. Disgusting isn't it. I need to make up a name for that gunk.
• Dry Shampoo: Because after 3 days of exhausting long days of poker and reeking of smoke I give up and spray on a little dry shampoo for my 'get ready process'. Nice
• Ipod: shut out chatter, noise, talkers at the table. Now loaded with 'The Black Album' too. 
• Guided Meditation: also loaded onto my ipod/iphone, so I can get to sleep at night or decompress in the morning. It is HARD to get to sleep at 3am after playing 12 hours and then you make a STUPID mistake that haunts you and gets you knocked out of the tournament right before the money. I still have nightmares from hands from a year ago.
• Phone Charger: do no forget. I swear I could make a ga-billion dollars if I could design a portable solar charger or something that players could use at the table. If I had a dollar for every player who needed a charger at the poker table....

Those are a few of my must have's in my packing list. Sounds appealing huh? Why do I play tournament poker? Well that is for another day and I have a wide range of feelings about it. Those opinions might be influenced depending on how I do at this WSOP circuit event series.

Good luck to all no matter what you do. Play good, run better. xo Pdub

Thank you Jay-Z !!

I am a huge fan of clever poetry and song lyrics. I am a rabid fan of Jim Morrison as well as Ani DiFranco. I've bought most if not all of their music, and sought out their published and unpublished poetry. Yet, I barely own more than 4 albums of any rap or hip-hop music. Why am I such a poetry bigot and not considering other genres?

So, I made a decision to change about a month ago to open my mind a bit to other types of poetry and purchased Jay-Z's book 'Decoded'. This book is kind of his personal memoir, personal analysis of his lyrics as well as an insight about how rap developed over the years and what rap and hip-hop is really all about. And it's beautiful, filled with images, photographs and art.

Jay-Z says, "...the music is meant to be provocative, which doesn't mean it's necessarily obnoxious, but it is confrontational, and more than that, it's dense with multiple meanings. Great rap should have all kinds of unresolved layers that you don't necessarily figure out the first time you listen to it. Instead it plants dissonance in your head...It leaves shit rattling in your head that you won't make sense till the 5th or 6th time through. It challenges you."

There is no question this guy is brilliant. His narrative is fluid and precise, and his lyrics are so filled with double entendres and with the words working so sonically it's remarkable, he's...just...so..smart. As are many artists in this genre that I have basically overlooked for the most part for the past two decades.

This makes me wonder, what else have I been closing my mind to, and as a result missing out on? Do we as people just generally consume what is most familiar to us, or the easiest? Are we intellectually lazy and culturally insecure? Do we take snippets of info and only use those as the basis of our decisions? For example taking a line out of one of Jay-Z's songs, out of context, and out of the beautiful wrapping of the meaning of which it was intended and call it offensive? Do we shove out of context politically biased talking points (thanks FOX news) and shove them down the throats of Americans (yes) and therefore have masses of ill-informed opinion, because we are just too damn lazy to figure out the full story?

I'm committed to exploring, researching and learning more before I fully formulate my opinions. I am also going to work on having an open mind about more art and literature that comes my way...and of course music. I thank Jay-Z for all of that. I am going to itunes right now to buy 'The Black Album'.

I can't run so what's up with calling this 'Running Good'?

Running Good is a poker term which means you're winning basically. You may not necessarily be playing your best but you are experiencing some sweet combo of playing ok and getting very lucky at the same time, or playing great and getting around the bad luck; either of which combo results in a win or series of wins.

I basically feel that way about my life. Been running pretty good. Sure there have been some challenges; maybe I have had something to do with those by my choices or actions that I've made or maybe I've had some bad luck along the way, but I'm winning (not Charlie Sheen winning, but winning life kind of winning).

I like to ask a lot of questions about a lot of dumb shit but also about the important issues. I'm ok with flaunting my ignorance about lots of things. I accept that I am a quirky girl and make an ass of myself a lot. I care about our dying planet, and I care about how fucked up our healthcare system is, but I also care about gaining weight, making sure my hair looks great and buying cool clothes. I sincerely feel the pain in my soul on a daily basis for all living creatures who are treated unfairly, or with cruelty, or are forgotten.

So...this blog is a journal of my everyday musings which churn in my brain all the time in the wheelhouse of topics ranging from politics to make-up. Things that make me go 'hmmm'. I try to find answers to these things to keep me Running Good. I contemplate but I am also an action taker with many things. Maybe if someone else reads this, you can rethink how you think about things maybe just a little and we could all be running good in life together as this positive thinking collective, with a few courageous souls who take action. Wouldn't that be cool.