Jukebox Rules!

I love me a jukebox, and my title 'Jukebox Rules!' is a double entendre 1. because I think jukeboxes are awesome !!  and 2. because I think it's important to state my opinion about the unsaid rules of using the jukebox.

Last Saturday night it became evident to me that many people just do not understand the 'code and unwritten rule of ethics' while operating the jukebox (I will call this jukebox operator person the jukeboxer).

So anyway, last Saturday night, my boyfriend and I went to a local pub up the street to watch the Badger football game. It was a tense game. We were behind Michigan State at the third quarter, and the bar was lined with locals riveted to the multiple TV screens that were all broadcasting the same game (I was watching two at a time back and forth for my own entertainment).

Around the middle of the third quarter, 3 twenty-somethings roll into the bar (two guys, one girl), and proceed to the bar to order a good pound of cheese curds. While waiting for their order to arrive, they saunter over to the jukebox (and they did saunter because they looked super drunk and super stoned, so they kind of puddled their way over en masse). In a huddle around the jukebox, we watched as they slipped in a bill of currency, of which denomination it was unclear at that time (this is important as I talk about jukebox loading later).

Seconds later as the pile of curds are placed onto the bar, we all hear, very loud, that very recognizable guitar scratch of strings then riff of 'Back in Black' by AC/DC. Now, I totally dig their song selection, but they probably broke the cardinal rule of the jukeboxer:

"Never, ever,  ever, under any circumstances will one make a jukebox active with a music selection when more than 25% of  venue patrons are watching a sporting event or major political event." -Rule 1 jukeboxer code of ethics.

I swear to you I thought 5 maybe 10 people were going to jump from their stools and beat them down. The sports watchers expressed their dismay, yelled at the jukeboxers, and begged the bartender to trump the sound. Apparently he could not do this, so we endured through the classic AC/DC track as well as 'Close to Me' by The Cure (also pdub approved fyi).

The trio inhaled their cheese curds (supporting my stoned theory), giggled to themselves, ignoring the taunts and jeers from the bar and left shortly after, just in time for the rest of us remaining to watch the fourth quarter and the miserable 4 last seconds of the game.

I wanted to share with you this Rule #1 in detail so that you never make that dreaded mistake that the kids made last Saturday night.

It also could have been a really bad scene had that $1 they put in been a $5. I'm not kidding.

Rule #2 is to avoid 'Jukebox Loading'. This is when one person puts in a bill denomination of say $10 or more, and loads it with only their personal faves with zero consideration for their fellow patrons. Let me tell you it is miserable being at your fave bar at 10pm on a Saturday night and enduring through some Pink Floyd looong tunes or the 20 minute Grateful Dead jams. The only exception to this rule is if you are a jukeboxer aficionado and know how to play sets of music that will be universally pleasing to at least 75% of the people in the bar.

I consider myself as a Jukeboxer Aficionado, and I have earned this title by logging many many hours playing the jukebox and studying classic and current song selections. It's serious stuff, so don't think about loading the jukebox with 100% R&B unless you have at least 100 hours logged as a jukeboxer student. It's kind of like getting your pilots license, but with more responsibility.

I also keep a running list of song choices on my iNotes in my iPhone in the event I blank out once I am faced with the jukebox interface. That big screen can be intimidating, and sometimes, on rare occasion, alcohol consumption can have an effect on my song recall.

Another rule, do NOT take your bartender tip money as music selection money. Okay? It's just not cool. They don't give a shit about the songs, they need to make some bucks. Put a few small bills in your back pocket to be ready and to be on the safe side.

I am feeling generous and going to fill you in on my most recent top 10 selections (note as an Aficionado it changes regularly). This is a good starter list, these songs please everyone, and you can spin off from there. Enjoy.

1. Sheryl Crow - Steve McQueen
2. Better Than Ezra - Good
3. George Michael - Freedom 90
4. The Doors - Roadhouse Blues
5. The Temper Trap - Fader
6. Sloan - The Good in Everyone
7. Tom Petty - I won't back down
8. Stones - She's so Cold
9. Lit - My Own Worst Enemy
10. Sublime - What I got
11. Eagle Eye Cherry - Save Tonight (Bonus Track I stole from my boyfriend)

There's a pretty good chance if you were sitting at a bar and one of these songs came on you'd be singing along or tapping your feet, waiting for the next song.

That is my cautionary tale about the jukebox, as well as some lessons learned and gifts given. Enjoy, run good, namaste! pdub